EMERGENCY ACTION: Save Aqua Teen Hunger Force from EXTINCTION!

On Wednesday, January 31, the mooninites invaded the city of Boston. I'm speaking, of course, of the merry two-dimensional pranksters from the hit toon "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" on Adult Swim (Cartoon Network), of which anyone who knows me can say, I am a huge fan. So when news broke of a guerrilla advertising company setting off terror alarms in Beantown, I went into attack mode. Not because I was worried that Ignignokt and Err might attack our nation, but something much, much worse.

Initially the panic was set off by what the Department of Homeland Security described as a "suspicious device". Furthermore, they added that there were "several electronic devices of a character giving the finger" placed among highways and bridges in several US cities, more prominently Boston. When the threat turned out to be a hoax, the blame was placed on Ted Turner and an advertising agency that engineered a publicity stunt for Aqua Teen Hunger Force, perhaps for the upcoming movie. Arrests were made, and Ted Turner ending up paying $2 Million to the affected agencies. Yet I still fear for the nation's safety.

The New York Post depicted the blinking electronic device giving the finger as "Ignignokt". The character in the devices is actually Err, the juvenile sidekick. I feel that this misrepresentation is deliberate (as if either Err or Ignignokt were here to defend themselves) as part of an even bigger ploy. It seems that this was a staged incident by Rupert Murdoch used to instigate a Fashion Industrial Complex war against rival Ted Turner, that uses US citizens as pawns. Mysteriously enough, The Post was the only New York tabloid to put news about the hoax on the front page. Immediately, Ted Turner was recognized as the target of reproach. What's more, another Post article snides Aqua Teen Hunger Force as "catering to the late-night, dorito-munching insomniac stoner crowd." How true, if only this Post reporter wasn't writing with an ulterior motive.

So with all the ducks in a row, I can only imagine what will happen in the coming months. Homeland Security will start to rationalize about Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Already with the knowledge that the show is a fave among potheads, they will come to the conclusion that in light of the incident, Aqua Teen fans are dangerous subversives. Throw the pot factor into the equation, and you have what the Partnership for a Drug Free America has already hinted in their post-9/11 messages, that MARIJUANA=TERRORISM.

Homeland Security will begin to place sanctions on retailers carrying Aqua Teen Hunger Force products, and seize all merchandise. Police will monitor anyone with pot arrests and convictions under the age of 35 for a possible link to the Aqua Teen fanbase. They will conduct raids of anyone that has purchased an Aqua Teen Hunger Force item since 2004, and will demand that they reveal to them anybody that has the slightest interest in Aqua Teen. ATHF creators Dave Willis (the voice of Ignignokt, Meatwad and Carl) and Matt Maiellaro will be deported. All that have taken part in the ATHF franchise will be taken to Guantanamo.

And just what does Rupert Murdoch stand to gain with this plan? Control. Over the media, the internet, the general public. He'll have the whole world convinced that Ted Turner's media conglomerate is a sham and supports terrorism. More people will rely on News, Corp. (FOX NEWS and the NY Post) for information. Youth will continue to ignore the negative press about Myspace.com. And more of our soldiers and Iraqi civilians will die because of misinformation. Believe me on this one. So tell your friends, your loved ones, and whoever you consider to be important. SAVE AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE FROM EXTINCTION!!!