Friday, February 6, 2009

Someone in Vacuous Blogland is Hijacking my Cause: Introducing Laura Jane Faulds, Fashionista Opportunista


As a writer and an activist, my job is not only to expose the Fashion Industrial Complex and all of its soul-sucking endeavors, but to also seek out like-minded individuals who share my philosophy and would love to see the eventual destruction of the FIC once and for all. So I did a search on google for "Fashion Industrial Complex", hoping that my search results would turn up at least one writer with similar views. By the way, I never assumed I was THE person to unearth the existence of the FIC, let alone name it. No doubt people before me have had my observations that in 2004 I had begun to write down and take to the streets.

My search led me to "nogoodforme.com", a website that bills itself as "Your Ultimate Fashion Mixtape". That label is, at best, tacky and smacks of overweening FIC snobbery. Yet Laura Jane Faulds, self-described "senior writer" at nogoodforme.com has taken it upon herself to try
and explain in her own words what the FIC is. Bear with me, and please try not to wretch on your keyboards. She writes, "As you should all know by now, The Royal We of nogoodforme.com is all about loving fashion and loathing The Fashion Industrial Complex (tm). We use the term FIC (tm) to encapsulate the stupid, boring, problematic garbage that unfortunately comes along with how most people think about fashion: Brands and Dollaz and Misogyny and Elitism, Oh My! As such, I generally try to think about fashion in terms of self-expression and garments and innovation rather than associating myself with any particular style-istic segment or school of thought."--Funny. From the content of her website, I would've thought the exact opposite, what with her using words such as "redonk" and "hella-conceptual" to describe things that may or may not suit her fancy. Note that Ms. Faulds curiously places the (tm) symbol after mentioning the FIC. Just whose "TM" are we referring to, honey?! Hers?! I don't think so.  Although I could babble on about the numerous cases I could make against her for copyright infringement, my main concern was her sincerity in defining the FIC's existence. As you already know, the FIC I describe in my articles is far beyond whatever her imagination could grasp.

While my gut instinct was telling me, "Go ahead, Ted, blog her to oblivion!!", I had another idea: A meeting of the minds with the woman. I figured since she had enough ingenuity to coin the term "FASHION INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX", we would hit it off and I would perhaps gain some long-overdue exposure to my blog. No such thing happened. In good nature I sent the editors of nogoodforme.com an e-mail, praising their website. NOTHING. WTF was I thinking?Well, them being a widely-read website I could understand them not answering their backlog of e-mails, so I did the next best thing.  I e-mailed Ms. Faulds herself. Not a word, not a syllable. At this point, strike three was pointless as her take on Obama (see above photo). My general interest in whatever views she might have had on the FIC had already greatly weakened. My only conclusion is that this Laura Jane Faulds is a self-serving fashionista who eagerly co-opted my use of the term "Fashion Industrial Complex" for marketing her "redonk" blog. She could very well be a plant from the FIC itself to try and subvert the noble cause of exposing the truth. Why else would she choose, like a high-school cheerleader, to ignore my e-mails unless if she truly has something to hide? My advice to Laura: Stop lying to yourself. And stop lying to your readers. How dare you claim to denounce the FIC when you yourself ARE the FIC! There are REAL people with REAL problems, like unemployment and homelessness which the Fashion Industrial Complex creates! But you wouldn't care about that, would you? Your life is all about fashion, fashion, fashion, and partying and worrying about which hipster fuckface you're going to screw on Friday night. You don't have any real issues, or real concerns which would pertain to your identification of the Fashion Industrial Complex! 

I have said my piece. Now I leave you with Al Goldstein, porn connoisseur and owner of Screw Magazine. Although he is perhaps best known for his candid "Fuck You" commentaries on Midnight Blue, a cable-access show he hosted from the 70's to 2003, when he went "broke"(he also started speaking out about Bush at this time). If he were here right now, he would most likely say, "FUCK YOU, Laura Jane Faulds, YA FUCKIN CUNT!! And FUCK YOUR "Ultimate Fashion Mixtape!!"